A New Year's Reflection

Life's Unpredictable Journey: Reflections on Transition

Since the start of the new year, I've been in a continuous state of reflection. While my thoughts haven't carried significant weight, mostly revolving around memories of the holiday season, I must confess that entering this new year felt a bit different.

Two Sisters by Solomiya Zelenska

In the past, I've often felt a slight unease about the future, openly expressing my fear of the unknown. Yet, as the clock struck twelve this year, I found myself almost missing the moment.

In my room, where the walls still bear a faint scent of burnt maple from a candle mishap a few months ago, I immersed myself in browsing my digital public library, creating a list of novels I intended to read over the next three months. There was a cup of warmed ginger tea on my nightstand, accompanied by a plate of Nilla wafers, half of which ended up as crumbs on my chest; and it was only in the final minute that I realized I was merely seconds away from entering 2024.

I entered my brother's room quickly enough to count down with him, and both of us agreed that this would be a "go with the flow" year, free from enormous aspirations and goals. Much like me, he had let go of a certain standard in the past year in the name of self-preservation.

Even though he's in his early twenties and I'm in my late twenties, our paths were intricately intertwined last year as many of our situations felt almost identical. Whether it was related to relationships, careers, or our overall sense of self, I observed him navigate his path as a young man, and he observed me doing the same as a young woman. (While this might sound heartwarming, it actually means that we witnessed each other go through the same situations and exchanged complaints about how each of us handled them.)

Waking up each day, it felt like there was a new event to celebrate. To kick things off, on the day before the new year, an x-ray revealed that my foot was almost completely healed, allowing me to walk without my boot's assistance. Admittedly, I could only manage it for a few minutes, but the progress was there. This was followed by New Year's, witnessing two of my closest friends transition from the process of re-enrolling into school to actively awaiting the start of their term.

In the days that followed, I reconnected with one of my oldest friends, someone I hadn't spoken to much over the last few years. During our three-hour catch-up, we exchanged countless voice notes and screenshots, providing evidence for our respective stories. Uncontrollable laughter and unexpected stutters punctuated our sentences as we cut each other off, just like old times. The following day brought more joy as two friends from university shared their surprise, yet warmly welcomed pregnancy news – one expecting in the summer, the other in autumn. And on the subsequent day, another friend revealed their engagement, pregnancy, and plans to move abroad to Europe (to read more about this friend, read “Spiced Honey & Chamomile: A Taste of Italy”)

Because the transitional week into a new year has always felt apprehensive for me, seeing exactly how much was happening in the span of literal days almost felt overwhelming. Growing up, specifically between the ages of 18 and 23, witnessing these types of moments felt surreal. For instance, as I mentioned, my New Year's was spent walking around, drinking tea, and eating Nilla wafers – and to be transparent, I was completely fulfilled with that being how my entire week unfolded, repeating almost a copy-paste of my actions every day. While I stayed in the crux of a mundane life, some of my closest friends and peers entered an entirely new chapter of their lives.

I think one of the reasons this would have been so significant for me at the ages I mentioned is that during those years, I still grappled with the concept of how fluid life could be. If someone my age did or accomplished something, it almost immediately filled me with a sense of internal disappointment, as if I hadn't aspired for much. And the truth is that I didn't... but not because my aspirations were any less valid or valuable, but rather because they were just different.

I never had the most grandiose goals or aspirations – truthfully, most of my childhood dreams revolved around being on a farm or a teacher. I never aspired to travel to places overseas, to have a big friend group or large family, to live an adventurous life. Instead, I reveled in the simplicities of life, treasured a few close connections, and sought a quiet place to be present. However, seeing what someone else my age could accomplish would fill me with a sense of contemplation. I'd look back on my year, or the moments that led up to the new year, and feel almost disappointed.

This sense of disappointment can indeed resonate with many people during this time of the year, prompting them to set resolutions as guiding points, mere markers of change and growth. However, I also hope that these individuals remember that their pace is their pace – life unfolds uniquely for each person, and there's immense value in embracing the journey without undue pressure.

Recently, I had a conversation with my 23-year-old cousin about resolutions, and she shared that one of her goals for the year is to make space for love. I find that resolution beautiful, especially given the complex and multifaceted nature of love. However, in the back of my mind, I reflect on the stories she’s shared about her best friend becoming a mother in recent months. Their dynamic has naturally evolved, and I wonder if this resolution is based on her own desires or influenced by a desire to align with her best friend's experiences. Truthfully, I don't even know if she has clarity on the answer to that.

Interestingly, I found myself almost falling into a similar pattern. When discussing education paths with my friends, I started considering going back to school – for no apparent reason. It became a persistent thought, even though I had already earned my degree, obtained two certifications, and completed multiple specialization courses in the field I had aspired to be in. I couldn't provide a concrete reason for this inclination besides an undefined sense of curiosity. Yet, at this age, I have the discernment to reflect on such inclinations and navigate them with a clearer understanding.

I share these thoughts without a specific message in mind; it's simply been two weeks since my last, so I was due for one. However, I do want to extend my wishes for everyone to have a safe and special new year. To those of you between the ages of 18-24, I'm aware that you may read my words and imagine someone who has their entire life figured out – someone who faces moments of slight insecurity, but overall appears composed and at peace with their situation. I want to convey that this is the simple result of trusting life, something that is an ongoing process.

At your age, there's no need to feel the pressure of having it all figured out. The truth is, some of the closest people to you might be in completely different spaces than you by the time we all collectively count down at the end of the year. Trust the lessons that you will inevitably encounter and allow yourself to be your greatest teacher. You're going to face moments when you're scared, unsure, lost... but you're also going to experience those that bring joy, fulfillment, and clarity. Don't doubt yourself, ever.

Until Next Week,

S